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Whoa! [14 May 2006|09:56pm]
[ mood | lazy ]

so i decided that it's been far too long since i've written anything in this.

college is almost over, and for the most part, my first year was easy, too easy in fact. now i'm not saying that i didn't enjoy it because nothing could be farther from the truth. i don't know, maybe i just expected it to be different. maybe i expected to come out of it a completely different person. what i did come out of this year with is a good number of stories. i like telling stories, they make me feel important.

another things this year introduced me to is a great deal of new friends, which i always like. beyond that they're just great people. i kind of measure a man by the amount and quality of his friends. i mean one of the real tragedies in gatsby was that not a soul came to his funeral, just god and nick. for all the huge parties he would throw, and for all the people that came, no one cared enough to go to his funeral. it really bothered me. well as much as any piece of fiction can bother a person. but now we're off topic*

i'm starting to go crazy. i'll be walking and i'll hear someone whisper my voice, and i stop to look around, but the only thing that is there are a bunch of confused students angry at my disruption of pedestrian traffic. this has happened a good number of times this semester.i welcome it though. i've always seen romantics and delusionals to be very similar. and where as i could off about that, i won't.

i still want to change the world. a far too common goal for everyone my age i guess. i just worry that i won't want to some day. like it will take a backseat to paying my mortgage. i worry a lot about what i'm going to be like when i'm older. when i was younger my greatest fear was turning into my parents. why am i allowed to use the phrase "when i was younger", i'm only nineteen years old. at this rate i will be the most nostalgic old man ever.

i cannot wait for this summer. and whereas this has been my attitude going into every summer, i always mean it. there's something great about the summer, so much prospect. i know though that it won't be the same. i said last summer that we are and always will be a good thing. i still mean that, i still believe that, it just seems like no one else does. anyway, this is my open invitation for everyone to show up at my house whenever they want this summer. and you know what, if i'm not there, and you have enough time on your hands: go in, hang out, grab yourself a snapple. i would love for my house to have that sort of an atmosphere, like a commune.

oh by the way:
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
you should come.

have a good night,

*there is no topic

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A Few Small Things I Decided To Write Down Because I Can't Sleep [07 Dec 2005|12:54am]
[ mood | anxious ]

the written word is a very dangerous thing.

we, as a society, are far too focused on our destinations.

i am an optomist; i think this world is a beautiful place. people just seem to forget that.

i wish i could get a good nights sleep though, that would be nice.

biologically we were not meant to endure winter.

i will laugh at this in a year, thinking about how naive i was.

5 Planted It Deep In My Back Take Your Knife Out

I'm In Desperate Need of a New "I Can't Sleep Night Time Ritual" [29 Nov 2005|12:49am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

i have a lot on my mind right now.

what sucks about this i can't go into my backyard wearing my boxers and wander around while listening to music. its quite theraputic.

i miss home, and i miss summer.

thats really all i wanted to write.

3 Planted It Deep In My Back Take Your Knife Out

Absolutely Nothing [08 Nov 2005|03:11pm]
[ mood | rushed ]

so i don't have anything ground breaking to write.

for the most party i'm ridiculously happy.

college is going really well.

i miss people.

i wish i had a girlfriend.

thats about it.

i like scott more than he knows. im watching him out of the corner of my eye, hes looking at ski goggles. what a fag.

if you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want- good or bad. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or moritified) about what people remember about you.

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I'm Not Sure How to Do This [12 Oct 2005|02:57pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

i had a lot of fun this weekend. i also took pictures...

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first dani and i thought we were cool...

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but eric disagreed...

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then we passed by this really pretty view...

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then i took a shit in the car...

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steph kept sneaking a peak...

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joel was mad about it...

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but we made up...

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then i saw derek shaving and i said, "how do you do that?"...

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so he showed me...

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then kendra and i got emotional...

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then we went to bullmoose to buy stuff...

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i got a video game...

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the next day we played pool...

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i got bored and went forting with derek and kendra...

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later that night joel and i got high...

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bob was mad at us...

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but scott was cool with it...

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justin didn't know what to think...

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then we went to a party and saw scott drinking...

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chris said, "whoa nelley"...

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but i said it was "dynomite"...

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shane didn't think it was very funny cause he was raging...

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but after matt talked to him it was cool...

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the next day lisa made us a huge dinner...

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chris had some chicken...

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eric and i had something else...

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anc had a punch in the head...

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and kids were like oh shit!...

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but jesus calmed everyone down...

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then jesus taught a raptor how to drink...

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and made soda come out of matts nose...

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everyone got a little tipsy from the soda...

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tensions were high and pete and i fought for tina paul's love...

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but in the end peter won her heart.

16 Planted It Deep In My Back Take Your Knife Out

Ballroom Dancers [03 Oct 2005|10:16pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

i want to believe in something desperately, anything.

college has left me with a sort of despondent view on life.

i fell asleep last night thinking about junior year. standing on top of mikey's house and trying to hit cars with water balloons. i seem doomed to live a life where all i do is miss the past.

i'm really not getting anywhere with this post.

i want to be martyred.

i need to be able to confide in people, or maybe i just need someone to confide in. either way, i keep way too much to myself.

i hope to god this isn't life. i hope everyone doesn't go through this to inevitably reach the conclusion that it really is hopeless.

beautiful amici, oh how you crumbled.

all we're really left with in the end are stories, memories.

i'm wondering if a relationship would be the solution to all of this, or if i would just mess it up.

i have developed a very strong guard against letting people figure me out.

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RIP Mikey Frasca (MJC2K4 the True Hollywood Story) [27 Jul 2005|11:01am]
[ mood | hopeful ]

so yes, ive tried to remain indifferent to what i would call the needless self destruction of my friends. and for the most part, it hasn't really effected me in many ways. ive seen rumor after rumor circulate. ive seen backstabbing. ive seen blatent disregard for feelings. all terrible i know.

im 18, im going away to college in a little over a month. some might wonder, whats the use? why would any of this matter if what your trying to fix won't mean as much to you in a month. well let me tell you. and please, bare with me as i dig deep for this one:

everyone might know, or might not know, how i wound up in this group of friends. well it would come down to a lot of drama which i would like to write off as high school. my old group of friends, which was greatly smaller than this one abandoned me. well they had always treated me like shit anyway, but this time they pretty much had kicked me out. i was done, i thought id have no one. that may seem a little melodramatic, but for the purpose of this entry it will work just fine. anyway around the same time a little blonde boy with more boyish charm than reason started hanging out with me. i guess matt jackson was really my "in". he introduced me to everyone. he showed me peoples houses, peoples streets, names, families, personalities. everything that i would come to call my own. (yeah this is really cheesy but its that kind of story). anyway, i began to feel like one of the group. i was happy. and it wasnt a happy where i felt like something could trigger a depression at any given moment. it was pure. about a year went by. a girlfriend came and went. somehow with her leaving i felt like i would never feel that happiness again. dont worry you can blame it on my being young and naive, i have. but i always had my friends there. to spit on their wind shield when i was driving because i felt like shit. or to ride down the merrimac on toms discount rafts with me.

something else happened around this time too though. much to lisa and harry's dismay eric started having massive sleep overs at his house. because of eric, we made new friends, we started growing as a friendship. both in size and in heart. sure some were lost along the way. we had a quick affair with a one john ripa, but as it turns out he couldnt play the keyboard. at first i was sceptical about this growth i friends. i mean, i was perfectly happy with the close small group. but if we didnt expand, i would be missing out on some pretty great people. some of my really good friends i would not have met if werent for erics sleep overs. anyway our friendship became unique. it was a really good thing, and we all knew it. heres where it gets tricky... somewhere along the lines we forgot that. we started taking things for granted. i sure as hell did. about another year went by and cars were totaled, people moved to georgia, and massive wash cloths of hair were cut. and now here we are at what should be the pinical of our friendship, and were lettting it all be ruined. go to shit.

you say youre shutting it down. fuck that. what needs to be realized is that it cant be shut down. thats impossible. its too great. sure, you can take away our name. thats fine. you can have us fight. thats fine too. in fact, you could comment on this and tell me how wrong i am, and ill go on believing everything i have written here.

the truth is i never knew what friendship was before i met everyone who i hope to god is reading this. i thought it was something conditional, something tangible. fuck that. its deffinatley not. its something that transcends anyone.

i dont know what i hope to solve by this journal entry. maybe it is too late for anyone to listen. but in time we'll all understand. in time well realize it hasnt been about the name. it hasnt been about the bbq's or the luncheons. it hasnt even been about the music. its been about us. everyone that i have come to love. everyone that i could call on a rainy day and say shit dude im in seabrook and my battery is dead.

i know its hard to believe but its not done. maybe it needed to go underground for a while. maybe the exposure became too much. well overcome it. and when we do, well know for a fact that we are the best friends, the best kids we know.

we are, and will always be a good thing.

love with the upmost sincerity,

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Wasting Time [21 Jul 2005|09:51am]
[ mood | happy ]

hey kids,

im writing this not because i have anything thats bothering me or anything like that, in fact, i havent had anything bother me in a really long time. im really happy. i cant wait for tomorrow because now that theres only a twenty percent chance of rain, im psyched. i need to talk to dylan and ask him if he has a change draw because for some reason i think hed have one. its early, and i want to take a shower. too bad i have relatives over so i cant take a shower until like 11. whatever. sorry that this isnt written that well, but i didnt feel like taking the time to tell you why im really happy. if you go around overanalyzing things then it will break down into more biological excuses than anything. like... oh its summer now so you have more sunlight to make you happy. haha i dont even know. alright well im going to go talk on the internet or something dumb like that while i wait for my shower.

sorry i wasted an entry space on your friends page.

love greg

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[10 Jul 2005|10:51am]
Gregfest July 22
33 Meetinghouse Hill West Newbury Mass
One Oclock is when you should probably show up but bands will probably start later

Come to my house and see bands that include:

Trophy Scars
Boys and Girls
and probably a shit load of other bands that are going to be really good
4 Planted It Deep In My Back Take Your Knife Out

DFAJKLJFDK [02 Jul 2005|09:44am]
[ mood | groggy ]

1. Reply and I'll write something about you.
2. I will then tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I will say something that only makes sense to you and me.
4. I will tell you my favorite memory of you.
5. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
6. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
7. Then post this in your own journal.

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I Can Call This Living Again [25 Jun 2005|02:06pm]
[ mood | hot ]

you're going to wake up someday and realize that the way you have lived your life really doesn't matter. youre going to wake up and realize that your actions really dont amount to, at best, a clipping in a newspaper article. you're insignificant. you're nothing and the only way you can justify this nothingness is through morals and ethics. you're going to look at yourself in the mirror and see nothing more than decomposoing matter. soil.

then you're going to fall alseep. its really the only place you can escape any of this.

you feel pressure to make something of yourself, when really if you don't start a war, or kill more than ten people, you won't be rememebered. how many people can tell me who cured smallpox, who invented antibiotics? who created a mass genocide in the fourties and tried to dominate the world? exactly. what it comes down to, which is a phrase i overuse so i would not be at all offended if you don't dwell on it, is that we're just here to figure out why we're here. and what i'm finding out is that we're here for nothing. a mistake. a freak accident.

you're friends seem to be dead to this thinking, even those who share your views very closely. this keeps you distant from them. giving them only the half of yourself that you think they'll accept. leaving the other half to fester and build up. in viewing your depression on a time line you notice that your other, worse half is eating more and more of you up. it seems that you'll never be whole again.

youre nothing. a mistake. a freak accident. decomposing matter.

... its great not to feel like this anymore.

4 Planted It Deep In My Back Take Your Knife Out

If Happiness Came in a Pill I Would Take It Till I OD and Die [22 Mar 2005|05:18pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

ive convinced myself that life was perfect a year ago. its a very unhealthy condition where i live in the past and dwell mostly on the question what if.

is there really something thats missing or am i just preventing myself from being happy?

i wish there was a deffinate answer and i wouldnt have to dig through all the bullshit in my mind to figure out what i really want.

ironically this feeling of desperation for something to make me feel has left me thinking that this summer will be great. i know everyones counting on this summer to be the end all extravaganza that we will remember for the rest of our lives. i really want it to be good. something that will make the tears at the end of it worthwhile.

right now im wondering if you lied.

by averting my attention to the summer i hope that my spring will end up being amazing. cause really its the fourth quarter of school that has always been my favorite. especially couple of weeks right before you get out and you just sit there, and you cherish the days. maybe ive just been taking things for granted.

im going to start using my journal for documenting again... less for contemplation.

4 Planted It Deep In My Back Take Your Knife Out

[16 Feb 2005|09:56pm]
[ mood | content ]

If you read this,
even if i don't speak to you often,
post a memory of me.
It can be anything you want, it can be good or bad,
just so long as it happened.

Then post this to your journal. See what people remember about you....

(i have wanted to do one of these for a while, but now they are back in fashion... so it gave me a good excuse)

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Theres a Good Chance 75 Percent of You Won't Read This. And For Good Reason. [14 Feb 2005|09:40pm]
[ mood | morose ]

hey livejournal. i dont talk to you anymore... no one does. did we all run out of things to say? have we solved all our problems? most likely no. but we've grown out of you as a phase. does this upset you? how are you dealing? good i hope.

i remember when i could just sit here and write whatever was on my mind and the words would come out so easy. they dont come out at all anymore. hell i cant even talk about my problems let alone write them down.

i realized that there arent any specific cirrcumstances that make you a better or worse person. in fact the only reliable thing i really know is the seasons. but thats for another entry. i wouldnt want to go wasting my thoughts all on this entry.

im not really much of a person anymore. im just kind of there. i deffinatley need something. kind of a refueling. i need something to get me going. its probably why older people hate their lives. they lack excitment. mallmarts are good, but temporary. most everything is temporary.

this entry is not at all congruent. nor does will it make sense to most but myself. its mostly me just trying to figure whats been wrong with me for a while.

on the other hand i had a really great weekend. both shows i went to were ridiculous and i just got to hang out with a bunch of kids who i love more than myself.

colin doesnt like live journal for entries like this.

i think weve been comercialized. and our message watered down.

on a completley unrelated note... if you are going to the bamboozle festival please comment in the appropriate area. i dont want this to be one of those things people talk about for a while, but dont follow threw with, so i think im going to try and figure it all out.

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Never Be Proud Of Anything Ever... [09 Feb 2005|10:52pm]
[ mood | embarrassed ]

i just read that play that i wrote about a year ago for advanced acting... its really bad.b if it were ever to write a new play it would be about me taking the production of that play hostage... with an uzi.

documenting your life in cliche dialogue is never a good idea.

amber riley is still a good name though.

im really excited for the bamboozle festival.

3 Planted It Deep In My Back Take Your Knife Out

Yesterday I Walked To GiGi's [06 Feb 2005|10:42am]
[ mood | enthralled ]

i love the end of winter.
i love how cars become more spacious cause people are half leaning out of the windows.
i love how my house somehow becomes a more appealing place to hang out.
i love how im happy despite some things.
i love how im going to spend the next half a year with the people who mean the most to me.
i love how ill get my liscense by the end of the month.
i love how im probably going to crash when i get my lisence.
i love how i dont have to follow the six month rule and i can stay out after 12.
i love how school isnt going to be as hard anymore.
i love how college seems like an end of something.
i love how im going to college with some of my close friends.
i love how ive given up on some of my old dreams.
but mostly i love beginnnings, and thats what this is.

warm weather makes me a far better person. i havent been this happy since... well this time last year.

there are squirrels who like to fight between my floor boards. i think thats the only thing i dont like right now.

3 Planted It Deep In My Back Take Your Knife Out

This Isn't The Update You Would Have Wanted [22 Jan 2005|08:30pm]
[ mood | miserable ]

If it makes you less sad
I will die by your hand
I hope you find out what you are
Already know what I am
And if it makes you less sad
we'll start talking again
and you can tell me how vile i already know that i am

i'll grow old
start acting my age
ill be a brand new day in a life that you hate
a crown of gold
a heart thats harder than stone
and it hurts a whole lot
but its missed when its gone
call me a safe bet
im betting im not

im glad you can forgive
im only hoping as time goes
you can forget

if it makes you less sad
i'll move outta the state
you can keep to yourself
i'll keep outta your way
and if it makes you less sad
i'll take your pictures all down
every picture you paint
i will paint myself out
its as cold as a tomb
and its dark in your room
when i sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds

so call it quits
or get a grip
say you wanted a solution
you just wanted to be missed
call me a safe bet
im betting im not
im glad that you can forgive
im only hoping as time goes
you can forget

you are calm and reposed
let your beauty unfold
pale white
like the skin stretched over your bones
spring keeps you ever close
you are second hand smoke
you are so fragile and thin
standing trial for your sins
holding onto yourself the best you can
you are the smell before the rain
you are the blood in my veins

call me a safe bet
im betting im not
im glad that you can forgive
im only hoping as time goes
you can forget

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Cynical Again [03 Jan 2005|10:07pm]
[ mood | hungry ]

if anyone could show me something real right now i would really appreciate it.

thank you.

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College Essay (First Draft) [30 Dec 2004|12:59am]
[ mood | accomplished ]

Five hundred words is all I’m allowed to write this essay with. Was that last sentence even worth writing? I’m sure you think it wasn’t. And probably it won’t be kept in the final draft, but its just something to amuse me. Or maybe its something to get me started on this essay, which I am having a considerable amount of trouble starting.

Where do I begin anyway? I mean I came into highschool slightly overweight, and lacking social graces that were necessary to fit into the place. Gradually I became better at everything. Is this even what your looking for? Now I know your not suppose to use “you” in an essay, because it personalizes it, or something like that, but I don’t know, it seemed appropriate to fit in with my angst. For the first two years of highschool I took my academic life as a bit of a joke. I would always get these lectures about how I had the talent, but lacked the ambition. I hated these. They offered no help as to where to find the ambition, they just simply stated that there was a lacking. I always would find myself wondering what the point of it all was. We were all preparing for something, but we nobody even knew what it was. Its something that bothers everyone at points in there life. I’m still struggling with it as I write this essay.

Anyway Junior came, and I found myself making new friends. Don’t take that last sentence lightly. These new friends gave me one of the greatest commodities available to a sixteen year old highschool student, prospect. Days had a new light to them, if only because the night was so unpredictable. But what is probably more important to you than that, is how I started taking school more serious. I started getting better grades, and either because of, or in spite of it (a phrase that I have taken and misconstrued from a one J.D. Salinger) I began to enjoy school more too. Things seemed to be going somewhere. Something else happened that year too. As insignificant, and juvenile as this may sound, I found a website. Its called LiveJournal.com. I’m not sure if your familiar with it, but it’s a simple blog site that allows the user to write journal entries. I loved this, it was an open forum for me to complain, or elaborate on any issue that I wanted. Everything I would say to myself in my head now had a tangible place to exist. And people who read it left feedback, as to how they were inspired, or how they felt what I was feeling.

What I hope I’ve given you in this essay are two feelings I hope to carry with me into Amherst. In fact I think there two feelings that make me want to go to Amherst. I want to have that prospect available to me, it’s a feeling that up until now I owe to my friends. But more importantly, my driving force (That is to say the thing that wants me to take my education further) is that I want to inspire people. To be more specific, have you ever listened to a song or read a book, heard lyric or read a line, and it gives you this feeling of connection between you and the artist. The feeling soon leads to the chills. And you spend your waking hours analyzing that line, trying to figure out its meaning. Well, I want to be responsible for that.

thats my college essay in its infant stage. before teachers and guidance counselors start tearing it apart, fixing grammar, losing the meaning so it fits the rules.

please tell me what you think about it. i'm not at all opposed to scrapping it and writing a new one, but they told me to write something to express myself... and at 1 oclock in the morning, this was the best i could do.

i appreciate your feedback a lot.

love greg

ps. bringing up live journal was kind of lame, and upon proof reading im considering taking it out.

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Plea [22 Dec 2004|11:35pm]
[ mood | awesome ]

will someone please come to my house christmas eve, so i dont have a fake holiday?

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